Hidden

It hurt to be looked at with  desire and admiration but know that the look belongs to someone else;so there you are being evaluated for what's on the surface without a second thought  or genuine need to know what's hidden underneath the smiles and make up and silk ties.

There are so many of us both men and women who've been doing it for so long that it has become the new norm in our lives,  that we've lost true sight of who we are and what we want for ourselves. Some stay in these situations knowing deep down in their hearts of hearts that they will never be looked at with true admiration nor will they ever belong to that person, that youth group, that clique of friends and even if on the surface you seem to be there on the inside you are truly on the outside looking in.

The only time you are truly honest with " self" is when the world goes still and silence communicates the message of truth your words are too scared to carry and so you continue to live the lie .....the life society dictates, selling your self short and short changing the quality of life you should have - shattering yourself .

My hair hides my eyes as I look at you

My tears as I cry for you

My fears as I wonder is it her or is it...me?

Me hallucinating

Me facilitating a mental for

Cultivating the crop of stupidity?

My hair hides my eyes as I stare at you , looking blankly

Looking at me but looking at her

But looking at her but looking through me.

My hair hides my eyes looking at you looking blankly.

"What's up?" You said, like I was your buddy.....

My hair hides my fears as I look emotionless

But with emotions

As they unfold and refold

And tell of stories once untold

My hair hides my eyes the windows to my soul

My hair hides my tears as they flow

But don't flow...but wonder-

Wasn't I woman enough? Didn't I love you enough?

Wasn't I strong enough?

For you....for me...for us?

 My hair hides me from you but too from.....us.

My hair hides my eyes

Hides my truth

The anger of my heart, the anguish of my soul

My hair hides my eyes

From those who would see the true and shattered me

My hair hides me from you.

The One

I am nobody's  eighty or twenty percent, I'm a hundred percent and then some all the way. I refuse to settle for anything but the best and will not go to standards beneath me in order to have the allure of fake diamonds.

There are times when we become guilty of  doing the things we ought not to and of  compromising our standards in order to fit in. Being different and  standing for something instead of falling for everything can be so very difficult because it makes you stick out like a sore thump. But the rule and not the exception is that being different isn't a bad thing especially when being different populates good morals.

The most powerful and influential  people in the world known to man all chose to be different. Today, i dare someone to be different - i dare a teenage girl or young woman to say this is who i am and these are the standards i will not let go of , i dare someone to say i am proud and happy to be different, today i dare a woman to say I am 100% and then some and its your loss if you cant see that.

Today I dare you......

I’m not gonna be the one batting my eye lashes at you
Or the one making the homeboys whistle …'sweet honey' come through
But I’m gonna be the one who will always be true to you
Looking you dead in the eyes saying get down on your knees and pray boo.

Who while you sleep will watch over you and pray
Asking our savior to wash our sins away
Who will tell you when you are wrong and support you when you are right
Who will allow you to lead like a man
Without putting up a feminist’s fight

I’m not gonna be the one reveling in the streets
Apart of a competition of showcasing my butt cheeks
Or one of the many getting high on everything in life
From Soca Jouvert parties to dancer’s Friday nights.

But I’ll be in the temple bowed humbly before God,
Whispering my prayers and singing worship songs
Making the preparations to walk through his heavenly gates
And knowing he created you
And so for you …
I’ll wait

 

Celebrating Now

As I chatted to a friend on BBM the other day, I happened to stumble upon a picture that took me back to a  time of deep emotional asperity when I prayed for a certain level of memory loss; wanting only to remember  the happy moments – when the life I lived then, seemed whole – without cracks or other flaws.

And as I tried to force the memories back into the little black box I have now labeled their home, I listened to the love songs playing in the back ground, watching as each note floated by carrying their own message of love , pain, separation, trust and betrayal. 

The Smile doesn’t appear on my lips and the tear drops no longer leave light brown balls to run down my cheeks; slowing as they move over the speed bumps created by pimples, nor do they disappear into the craters of open pours before they fall unto my lap…. I am healing slowly in an unfamiliar way; and at that I can smile with my heart. 

We often fail to realize that the four seasons of the year are represented in our everyday lives, by those with whom we associate, fall in love, go to school, work or even live with. They have purpose (sometimes they are unaware of it) and they are only present for a season rolling along like tumble weeds at the end of their tenure… the only difference with the seasons of the year and those of our lives is that those of our lives may have an extended period.

Colours blend on delicate wings,

Pinks mixing with greens,

Oranges…delicate crimsons

Soft as a powder puff’s kiss

Beautifully arrayed like the setting sun’s sky.

Wings flutter, moving from flower to flower

intoxicated by the nectar that flows.

The sun smiles as we throw kisses at the rain

watching it give birth to greater beauty

with each droplet of water.

Northern lights play happily across the sky

And as dew makes love to every blade of grass

She revels in the mud of his glory

Celebrating their union

Knowing that of this moment alone- they are sure.

With each step you take in each day you are blessed to live, live in the moment- celebrating that minute, that second, that opportunity; to laugh out loud or giggle like a school girl, to scream at the top of your voice in exasperation, or to cry with joy or sadness appreciating each act of kindness from a stranger, each emotion felt and shared. Celebrating each moment as it is experienced lavishing only in that space and that time knowing that it will only come once.